How I Became a Leader at 19 (Make 20 Years of Progress in a Year)
My final year of high school was rough.
I was studying 10 hours a day, trying to get into medicine.
Most of my friends were active in sports, had hobbies, and could hang out with one another.
My life was different.
During my final year of high school, my mom got very sick.
Her condition was worsening by the day.
She was either in hospital or bedridden; she couldn’t cook, help around the house and look after my siblings and me.
My dad had to work 16-hour shifts to compensate for the shortage of income.
All of a sudden, I had to take ownership.
If I didn’t take ownership, my siblings would starve, the house would be a mess, and we would miss rent.
I had to start cooking, doing the regular laundry, and getting a side job to help pay rent while I was studying.
I had to work long hours at a donut shop to make ends meet. Here’s me trying to fake a smile.
If I didn’t take ownership, we would’ve suffered big time.
Looking back almost 3 years ago, my final year of high school was:
The worst period of my life
The best period of my life
The biggest lesson I learnt is to take ownership of your life.
Now, as I expose myself to more people, opportunities, and cultures, I can’t help but notice people's lack of ownership and entitlement.
A lack of ownership is the reason why;
Graduates are struggling with finding jobs.
The world has a growing mass of entitlement, selfishness and greed.
The average human experiences higher levels of depression, stress and anxiety in 2024 compared to the early 2000s.
Take ownership, or die.
For most younglings (Below 18), the consequences of not taking ownership is low:
Don’t have enough money? Parents can cover it.
Don’t rock up to school? The teacher will follow up.
Forgot to do something? It’s okay; there’s a second chance.
But as soon as you reach adulthood, if you aren’t taking ownership, no one will be there to keep you accountable:
Don’t have enough money? You’ll starve and get evicted.
Don’t rock up to uni? Your lecturer won’t follow up.
Forgot to do something? No more second chances.
In a nutshell:
When you’re young, you don’t need to take ownership.
When you’re older, if you don’t take ownership, you will literally die.
The problem is that society doesn’t prepare the youth for the daunting nature of adulthood.
Had I not faced the challenges I faced in my final year of high school, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be a learning coach, I wouldn’t be in a company at the forefront of changing how the world learns, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
Society conditioned the youth not to worry, avoid struggle, not to work too hard and aim for an easy and comfortable life.
When young adults need to be proactive to advance in life but lack the skill of being proactive, they are destroyed.
These are the same people who do not take ownership of their lives and continue to blame the system for their own shortcomings.
The system will never be perfect. Not taking ownership of your life circumstances and situation is the best excuse you can use to remain exactly where you are and not do anything meaningful with your life.
Ownership is a skill.
I hadn’t realised ownership was a skill until I had read Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink.
"Leaders must own everything in their world. There is no one else to blame. The leader must acknowledge mistakes and admit failures, take ownership of them, and develop a plan to win. This is the core building block of leadership that helps create a culture of Extreme Ownership."
If you think about it, you are the leader of your own life.
You don’t need a team or others underneath you. You can lead yourself.
And if you choose not to own everything in your world, you choose not to be in control.
How can you expect to achieve the desired outcomes if you cannot control the processes you need?
If you can take ownership:
You will land opportunities that are not advertised to the masses.
You will be in control of your life and outcomes.
You will always be ahead of the competition.
The role that I am currently in wasn’t advertised to the masses.
The company isn’t going on Seek, LinkedIn or Jora and is actively trying to scout for coaches.
It’s because companies are most attracted to people who are the most appealing, proactive, and take ownership of their situation.
They reach out to you.
Think about the big companies like Google, Apple or Amazon. They don’t actively advertise every single available role. Many new roles are swooped by individuals within the company. There are also many times when HR is reaching out to people with unadvertised jobs they’ve seen online or in person who have demonstrated a level of ownership.
What’s stopping you from;
Volunteering and gaining experience within the field?
Developing a personal brand and showcasing your expertise?
Showing up to events and networking with potential employers?
Submitting your resumes in person, printing them, and going straight to HR?
If anything, your lack of ownership is stopping you.
7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey dives deep into the habits of the most successful people.
The first habit? Be proactive.
This excerpt did it for me;
Look at the word responsibility—'response-ability'—the ability to choose your response. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.
Let's imagine a bizarre scenario to take ownership to the next level.
You get robbed on the way home after a light night at a friend’s place.
Unequivocally, it is the thieves’ fault, and they should be reprimanded and punished for their crimes.
But take a moment to take ownership of this situation.
Could you be at fault, too?
Could you have been more careful? Instead of taking a quicker route home that is dangerous, could you have taken the longer, safer route?
Could you have gotten home earlier? Instead of staying over for too long, could you have planned to get home at a reasonable hour?
The world is full of cruel people; we can’t control that.
We can control our actions, behaviours, and scenarios to mitigate the risks of any encounters. Taking a step back and putting yourself into the equation forces you to think more about protecting yourself from others and taking more ownership.
How to develop ownership.
There are 3 actionable steps you can take to develop more ownership in the current work, study or project you currently do.
Acknowledge your biggest barriers.
Demolish your barriers.
Demolish multiple barriers with one stone.
You do not need to invest much time in each of these steps. In fact, at most, these changes can be made within the time you are spending already.
Also, drop the “I’m too busy” excuse. If you can’t spare at least 5 minutes every day to implement the actionable steps below, you are saying no to control and demonstrating a lack of ownership.
1.) Acknowledge your biggest barriers.
For any work that you are doing, make a mindset shift.
Everything is dependent on you.
Anything blocking you from taking ownership is blocking you from the success you want.
This means being more attentive to processes and how you can improve every part of them. As Covey mentions in his book, 'response-ability’ is your ability to control your response to certain outcomes.
Being more responsible makes you more in control.
This might mean being more attentive during meetings and taking regular minutes instead of reading your email. You can then share these minutes with the other attendees.
This might mean taking charge and creating the group chat for your assignment since no one else will do it.
This also might mean helping around the house, helping your parents, family, or roommates clean up the place or doing chores.
(Action point 1) Imagine you were an employer. Make a list of reasons why you would fire an employee. Once you have finished the list, put a star next to the reasons you exhibit.
Here’s a list to get you started:
This process can work for anything. If you have parents, imagine yourself in your parents' shoes; what would make you scold your child? If you are married, imagine yourself in your spouse's shoes; what would make you divorce them?
The key is to be objective first from the perspective of an external party and then judge yourself based on an objective scale. Do not go easy on yourself.
This is ownership.
2.) Demolish the barriers.
Now, you should have a list of starred behaviours you are engaging in that are not ideal.
Now, you must take the time to learn more about your barriers and demolish them. This means reading books, watching courses, or getting the necessary help.
This might even require sharing the starred list with your employer, teacher, partner, or team leader.
You might think sharing this list of weaknesses will make you look incompetent, but it’s quite the opposite.
When my junior team members bring up concerns about what they think is blocking them regarding their growth, it is VERY refreshing as a leader to see their list.
It means they’re showing interest in growing and taking ownership of their growth.
It also reveals potential weaknesses in my leadership ability and how I must change my strategy.
Do you struggle with procrastination? Consult “Atomic Habits” and work on your environmental optimisation.
Do you struggle with paying attention? Consult a doctor and determine if you need medication for any underlying conditions.
Do you struggle with learning to present? Consult a coach or a mentor who can teach you the skills you need to gain more confidence.
(Action point) Zoom into your starred list and determine what you can do to improve. If you’re serious about your growth, share this list with your current employer, boss, teacher or whoever else you want to consult. Begin your journey of improvement.
The key here is to NOT do this process alone. You will abandon your improvement within the first week as your motivation to take more ownership fades away. Do this with others, form a group, and invest real dollars.
This is YOUR life.
If you’re serious about developing yourself into the best leader, team player, and communicator and want to work with me, apply here.
3.) Demolish multiple barriers with one stone.
As you work on your weaknesses, you won’t always improve with every step you take.
Sometimes, you will get better at a process. Other times, you will get worse.
It’s important to know that developing the skills of ownership, proactiveness, and leadership is not a straightforward journey. There will be ups and downs.
Engaging in both external feedback (as mentioned in step 2, you must do this process with others) and self-feedback in the form of reflections will skyrocket your skills development.
(Action point) Reflect on the steps you took to take more ownership and determine what has worked and what hasn’t.
Did taking minutes during the meeting help with your focus? Did sleeping more help with your attention span in class?
The key here is to pay attention to what is working, double down on what isn’t working, and re-adjust your strategy.
What’s Next?
To effectively take ownership of your life, you must identify and work to overcome your biggest barriers. This involves making a mindset shift, being attentive and proactive, and taking responsibility for your actions.
Follow these steps to take ownership of your life:
Acknowledge Your Biggest Barriers: Identify what’s blocking you from success. Be more attentive and responsible in your daily tasks, and objectively assess your performance.
Demolish the Barriers: Learn more about your weaknesses and take steps to overcome them. You MUST do this with others, share your weaknesses with others, and work on improvement collaboratively.
Demolish Multiple Barriers with One Stone: Understand that progress is not always linear. Engage in self-reflection and external feedback to refine your approach.
If you take ownership too late, the consequences are too drastic. This means failed relationships, missed opportunities and a lot of stress that could’ve otherwise been avoided.
If you put in the groundwork today, make sure to improve your processes, and start taking more ownership, you will see more results.
Ownership is how you gain growth that would take others YEARS or even DECADES to develop.
Ownership is how I became a leader for my family at 17, the leader of myself at 19 and one of the leaders of one of the world’s fastest-growing Ed-Techs.
The future is in your hands.
See you next week.
- Tanzeer
