I Became Friends With Anxiety (3 steps to conquer your fears)
Two weeks ago, I finally bought a tailored-suit, combed my hair and did my first in-person workshop.
And I’m no stranger to workshops and holding classes for students.
Prior to this workshop, I had easily garnered 1000+ hours of holding classes, consultations and presentations online.
I thought presenting in person would be no stress.
(Spoiler alert: It was super stressful.)
I remember 30 minutes before the presentation, I started to feel this sickening wrenching feeling in my stomach.
As if a bunch of butterflies had made it’s way into my intestines.
My heart felt like it was dropping into an oblivion.
And I thought to myself “Tanzeer…? You’ve done so many of these in the past online. Why are you feeling this way? Why are you nervous?”
So I started doing EVERYTHING I could to get rid of the nerves:
Tried to stop panicking
Meditating
Self-affirmation
Beating my chest
Nothing could get rid of my nerves.
It was time to present now though. This was it. Heart was easily beating at 200BPM, I wanted to run out of the room and cancel the workshop.
As soon as I started…
The nerves went away.
After the workshop, I sat down, reflected, and wanted to dive into what I was feeling and why I was feeling this way.
I made a realisation that completely changed my perception on feeling nervous or stressed.
This is what I learnt:
Feeling nervous and stressed; A good thing or a bad thing?
Nerves and stress is NEEDED for growth. It is a prerequisite for growth.
Just like how you need fuel to get a car going.
The Yerkes–Dodson Law (Yerkes & Dodson, 1907) explores this notion best:
If there is too little anxiety, then the task at hand is boring and passive.
If there is too much anxiety, then the task at hand is too difficult and consequential.
If there is a perfect level of anxiety, then the task at hand is optimal for growth.
What many of us are obsessed with is eliminating the anxiety, stress or nerves associated to what we’re doing.
Whether that’s:
Presenting in front of an audience
Asking your boss for a pay rise
Getting ready for a job interview
Preparing / sitting an important test or exam
The reason eliminating anxiety is detrimental is because that fundamentally means that the reward that you seek from the opportunity reduces.
Also, you will never be able to remove the anxiety you feel for something coming up.
Rather, you can become more open to embracing and navigating the anxiety. Developing this ability will have rippling effects in your life.
How I became friends with anxiety in my next workshop.
In my first workshop, I was too obsessed with trying to ELIMINATE the anxiety.
So for my next one, I decided to do something else.
I wanted to SEEK the anxiety.
I wanted to HUNT for the anxiety.
I wanted to challenge myself and take it to the next level.
So I had a chat with the team, and they agreed too with my rationale too. They were able to book me in for a bigger venue, with more attendees and expectations at stake.
First I thought to myself “What are you doing Tanzeer…?”
But then I thought about the potential benefit I would get from this event.
For this second workshop, I made sure to practice EVEN more, adjust my slides, and make a banger presentation.
Even with all that prep,
I still felt the nerves. I still felt the stress. I still felt the anxiety.
Here’s a picture of nervous Tanzeer before the presentation (You can see the anxiety manifesting in my eyes):
But during this presentation, the mental awareness of the fact that anxiety MEANT I was going to perform, helped me enough.
And I did perform:
(Happy Tanzeer because he knew anxiety was essential for optimum performance)
I was able to be more impactful, relatable and emotional during my speech. I challenged the angst that I felt into my delivery, and it came across as human, not weak.
This will not be my final rodeo. I want to seek even more discomfort, angst and challenges. This mindset of not shying away from anxiety and instead, seeking the anxiety, has enabled this mindset.
How to become friends with anxiety:
Step 1: Understand that anxiety is a catalyst for growth
This diagram shows it perfectly.
To grow, you must pass the comfort zone, fear zone and learning zone.
The nerves, stress and angst you feel, is all a sign that you are making a transition from the fear zone into the learning zone.
Just imagine how boring your life, projects and business would be if there were no challenges.
If you were 100% guaranteed a golden ticket to success without having to work to it.
Success wouldn’t feel worth chasing.
If you feel uncomfortable or annoyed when others give you feedback, that is the best experience you can have. Yes, it hurts, it is a blow to your ego, but the feedback will help you grow.
If you feel uncomfortable when you’re doing a presentation, good! It shows thats what you need to be doing more of, it shows you care and you want to do a good job.
Step 2: Reflect on your performance regularly
Think about the last time you were nervous, what did you learn?
Take the time to write it out now, and discuss how that uncomfortable experience may have made you a better person or someone who is more aware or wise.
If you’ve never reflected in your life before, or have troubles being consistent, use this free template I’ve curated to get started. You can find this here: https://www.tanzeer.com/resources
Step 3: Learn from those who have done it better than you.
You NEED guidance.
You can’t do it alone.
I am fortunate to have access to colleagues, mentors and friends who are better speakers than me. Who are better teachers than me, and those who can do a much better job at everything I do.
Identify where it is you want to go, and learn from the experts in the field.
If you want to get better at business, consult Alex Hormozi.
If you want to improve your mental health, consult a psychologist.
If you want to better your learning, reflective and teaching skills, spend time with me and my community on Discord!
Always spend as much time as you can asking questions, seeking feedback and being in those uncomfortable.
These 3 steps alone made me more open to seeking challenges, and embracing discomfort.
I understand that anxiety and stress can get too overwhelming at times. I encourage you to seek professional guidance if you need the guidance.
See you all next week.
